Falling
by myv-roses
Summary: OneShot. She cried. Just to have been there to comfort her made me delusional with joy. Then whatever was causing her pain, was giving me joy…? Is this love...or something completely different?


**Falling **

**A/N:** Anyways I've been concentrating on one-shots more because I don't like laggy type stories. It's not my thing. Enjoy!

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And she fell forward.

She just fell forward as if in slow motion. I watched her from afar, the girl I've always hated. The girl I always hated for giving me these feelings. The girl I've known my entire life.

In class I would often watch her holding her head. She would mutter something quietly to herself and look up at her friends, a smile immediately plastered on her face.

But those friends were fake. I could hear her conversations with Tomoyo sometimes. I would focus all my energy into hearing her voice. Yet, it wasn't like the same as last year. Last year, her voice was so jovial and she'd play cards with me in class while the teacher wasn't looking. This year however, her voice had become weak and now her face was tired and drained.

She would tell Tomoyo that she was tired of being alive. She would say that she was sad. She'd tell her that she couldn't handle it anymore and all Tomoyo would say was "It'll get better". But it wasn't true, as the weeks went by, she became more reserved and quiet. She wasn't the girl I knew anymore. Secretly, when she wasn't looking I'd stare at her and see her jaded eyes glisten.

All the while smiling, muttering something to herself.

This girl told me she hated me and so I brought myself to believe that too. Everything she said made me weak. I couldn't stand it. How could someone break me like that? I guess I'm like her in a way, believing whatever I tell myself.

One day she walked out of class and I could see a crystal tear fall down her face and I needed to comfort her. I followed her steps, behind her without her knowledge like a stealthy cat. She led me to the back of the school, where the peonies grew majestically.

There, she lay on the green, spring grass and stared at the clear blue skies, that would eventually become grey.

She closed her eyes and forced a smile upon her face. I hid behind a tree and closed my eyes in a meditative state, asking myself why I was here following a disappearing track. Like footsteps in the sand.

A sad melodic sound echoed into the silence, as the wind lamented the departure of the quiet.

Answering her phone, my eyes opened slowly, my ears eager to hear her voice once again.

"Hello…" Her voice however quiet and however dreary it sounded, was still a priceless gift to me. And I knew I could never hate her. I waited with baited breath and grasped the grass loosely.

"Touya…I understand…I'm leaving tomorrow…please don't worry about me…please don't cry for me. I've cried enough for both of us…no more pain…no more pain…"

Now after hearing this, I grasped the fragile grass a little tighter. My heart beat like the tinkling of falling rain and I was positive she had heard its drumroll.

She slowly stood up, shaking and muttered quietly to herself.

"Syaoran?" Her eyes looked surprised, but her question came out indifferent.

"Sakura…" What would I say to her? How could I say the things I've always wanted? I thought my feelings would explode and spill from my lips.

I reached towards her face and not even a flinch was seen from her. Her body was shaking and she looked at me with longing and pitiful eyes. A tear touched the tip of my finger and I realised…

I needed to be by her side.

She opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a strangled scream. She almost escaped my reach, as she ran but fortunately I held onto her tightly. I was glad and I'm sure she was grateful.

It seemed that the moment where I held her tight within my arms, would never end…but time waits for no one. She cried. Just to have been there to comfort her made me delusional with joy. Then whatever was causing her pain, was giving me joy…?

Once again, she muttered to herself and then pushed me away running far and fast.

I walked slowly, feeling dejected and confused, back to class, where I found her sitting in her usual seat. Only this time, her face was as pale as an angel's white wings and she seemed to be in her own little world.

The math teacher was away that day and so we sat there studying for our upcoming exam. As class commenced I could hear her talking to Tomoyo once more.

"Tomoyo, I'm sorry." Tomoyo ignored that statement and replied "It'll get better". This time she didn't bother to contain her tears and let them fall freely. Every tear that dropped was only another painful memory I would remember for all time.

She muttered to herself as usual.

And she fell forward.

Her chin hitting the table top and her arms falling to her sides with a white piece of paper, crushed within her grasp.

With wide eyes I ran to her side and held her free hand…only to feel the oozing warmth sliding off her fingers…the iridescent glow of her blood trickling down from her wrist like a fountain of youth.

She blinked at me with confusion in her eyes flicking back and forth, from my hand to my face.

"Syaoran…what are you doing? Everyone is staring! Let go…" She whispered sharply, pulling her hand away.

I blinked a couple of times, just as she did, my face tinging red.

"Sorry…" I bowed nervously and walked briskly back to my seat. None of it had happened. She wasn't bleeding, not even a drop. I guess my brain thought up a lame excuse to hold her hand tenderly. I shook my head from side to side, hoping it would clear my brain of all irrational thoughts.

All that awkwardness seemed to have disappeared since our last encounter near the peonies. Something was wrong I could tell. It's as if the strength in my fingers is being eaten away.

I sighed inwardly praying to god that maybe this time I was wrong…

The next day I woke up to a hideous fever and dragged myself painfully out of bed. I had to go to school. Everyday is precious to me. I have to see Sakura to survive. I know that even with one small smile, however fake it may be, she could chase away my deliria.

Walking to school with my body on fire, with the cold air thrashing at me ferociously, I knew that winter was truly here. I shivered and pushed my way through into the school. My head spun and I coughed rubbing my hands together in an attempt to get warm.

I smiled tiredly and waved weakly at those who greeted me which was all too many for me to manage. Straightening myself up, I put on a braver smile and walked into my classroom expecting to see Sakura's emerald stones.

Maybe just a little longer. Maybe I could hold out just a little longer, and then I would go home. I just needed to see her once and then I'd retire to bed. I rested my head on the table, humming a gentle tune. My eyes were giving in and I succumbed to sleep.

"Wake up Li…"

…

"Wake up, the teacher's got something to announce…"

I forced my eyelids apart and sighed, feebly glaring at Eriol. Pushing myself up I managed to sit up straight and paid half of my attention to the sensei.

"As some of you may notice Kinomoto Sakura is not here today…"

My hearing sharpened as I heard her name and my eyes widened slightly. Did something happen?

"She will no longer be attending Tomoeda High. Her family has decided to move to America."

At that moment I felt as if my mind had exploded. As if my sanity was gone, as if I could no longer live. My heart wrenched with pain, giving me irregular heartbeats. It felt like my heart was having a game of tug-of-war with itself.

And I blacked out…

A month ago I fainted at school and my mother refused to let me attend Tomoeda High any longer. If only I hadn't gone to school that day. Maybe I wouldn't have had to learn the truth. Once again no matter how much love I have in my veins for Sakura, hate follows and overpowers it.

I hate her for making me feel this way. I hate her for leaving just like that. I hate myself. Why do I have to be affected so much?

"It's love Li. It works in mysterious ways…" Tomoyo told me wisely. I just couldn't believe it. I just couldn't come to terms with it. I could never forget her.

"Just forget her…she would've wanted it to be like that." She told me gently. Her voice remained still and calm. Maybe what she was saying was right. Maybe if I could forget it would be better…My choice to forget her…no I could never do that. But I guess it was the saddest mistake I would ever make.

I'd have to endure the pain.

"We're all fools to believe it would last forever…" Finally her voice quivered and her eyes shook. I know. I'm the biggest fool here. She bit her lip painfully and said something equally as painful.

…

"What?" I asked genuinely confused.

"I know you've watched her Syaoran. You've watched her secretly from behind, memorising her every move, waiting on her every word."

How could she know about this? How can someone know my only secret? My secret? My eyes widened slightly, but I quickly recovered my former expression.

"Do you want to know what she's always muttered under her breath? Huh?! Do you?!" She asked slowly becoming angrier and angrier. Now I noticed the tears begin to form and fall. She bit her lip harder and she covered her face.

How could the words escape my lips so easily?

"Yes."

"It's not going to get better." With that she stood up and threw an envelope onto the coffee table before running off.

It's not going to get better? Like a fool I was I had ignored all the signs. Like a fool I opened the envelope as the snow fell. And like a fool I read the letter inside.

My heart, my body, my mind and even my soul will be frozen in time forever. Like the winter snow that falls so innocently. I knew that my life would forever be doomed to the cold, foolish winter…

_Dear Syaoran._

_How are you? I'm doing fine. America is great! I'm having a really good time. The people are strange though! They don't like to eat sashimi. How weird is that?! I hope you're doing well. _

…

_Remember when your best friend, Koji, died? I know it was a long time ago…but you said something that struck me deeply. You probably don't remember but you said that if anyone of your friends died, you'd never be able to handle it…_

_And so when I found out that I had cancer, I just knew I had to stop being your friend. I knew I had to give up. I don't know what is worse, hurting you earlier or hurting you now…_

_I've never liked the phrase 'the end' because nothing really has an end, but now I guess for me it's truly 'the end'. _

_In the end I'm very sorry. In the end I'm grateful to have met you. It's really finished now. My last message to you…I'm truly sad that I was foolish enough to think that no one would be left unscathed._

_Yours truly Kinomoto Sakura. _

My hands trembled like the first few steps of a new-born lamb. Staggering on two limbs I forced my way out of the crowded café and into the cold, its grace blasting me full force. Yet I felt nothing. I felt the harshness of reality, the bitter cold selfishly turning my fingers numb and I felt Neptune's oceans stain my face.

I laid in the thin layer of snow, my lips turning a ghastly colour of blue and proceeded to spread my arms out. With slow and steady motions I had created an angel.

A snow angel. It's crazy what I'm doing, but you know what? Everything I've done in my life has been one crazy decision after another…

I stood up hesitantly and stared down at my masterpiece. I smiled.

- - - -

And he fell forward right into her arms, right into the cold snow…trapped there for eternity. They say love is just a series of chemical reactions, lasting for only a few precious years. Once that time is up, will love prevail?

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The cancer thing seems cliche to me -.- Oh well. If you liked or you disliked, I appreciate comments and constructive criticism. Thanks y'all. 

Love myvroses - whitney


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